Like omg you guys, its been waaay to long *insert unnecessary squeaks screams and squeals here*

So as it turns out, I cant handle being a real adult, and coming up with blog posts at the same time.  Ive had a real job now for a few months, and have been going to school too. For a while school and work were winning, so... go me!.... but its about that time where I dive bomb for a few days and cant be an adult anymore. Which is why I am writing a rambling ridiculous post at midnight on a Thursday (School night!! its WAY past my bed time... like really though I go to bed at 930 these days...) Its actually been so long that Google updated the format of blogger and I am not even really sure I am writing a real blog post right now.
Anywhoooo so I have a job and its crazy and hectic and a little stressful and shocking and rewarding and wonderful all at once. Hooray! I however am getting paid in rocks and dirt... and its also not really what I thought I was applying for.... aaannnd probably wont be doing the same thing next year.... but... YAY!!....?...oh well...at least I'll still be living with my parents when we move... so... I wont have to change my blog... winning?

And school is crazy... a crazy waste of time that is. At least so far. I will hopefully get back here sooner rather than later to elaborate on my ridiculous social awkwardness of meeting about a bazillion new people in 48 hours. And friends.... I dont really know how to make freinds... so thats been interesting
I totally had so many more things I wanted to tell you guys about!
I rediscovered caffeinated sodas after about a year and a half hiatus... and had wonderful absolutely hilarious ground breaking material to post.... but.... midnight... and... caffeine crash...

super long over due updateness

ok so I haven't posted in an extremely long time and I know all of you were "Woe is me, what ever will I do?!" for about .05 seconds and then moved on..
So here's whats been happening in the land of misfit toys...
The house... this damn house... Oh lets live on the beach completely secluded from everyone... yeah not such a super idea when you're here full time... in the summer people are EVERYWHERE on bikes, walking, beaching it up in their not beach ready bodies, and traipsing all over our private break-your-legs-on-the-rock-jetty-and-sue-us beach/front yard/property. Its kind of like someone walking up to your grassy front lawn, plopping down in a beach chair and building a grass castle in the middle of suburbia. In the winter its so freaking windy the water in the toilet bowl has waves... not even exaggerating on that one... I even took a video of it but got too lazy to post it... Basically I could go on forever about how much we don't really enjoy living here... and I shouldn't even be complaining because its a BEACH HOUSE, and a place to live and a roof over my head for free... but that's the American way so I am totally going to complain...
So we put the house on the market three years ago aproximately 30 seconds before it became REALLY hard to sell any house anywhere let alone a really expensive beach house with particularly interesting decor, including but not limited to a gigantic mosaic tile peacock on the first landing of the stairs. So yes, finally, we have finally sold it and the closing was about two weeks ago... so that means we are now renting our own house until we find a new one... I should be super happy that we at least sold it, and I am, I'm totally happy but so very ready to move on.
In other news, I left a real job and a real apartment and mostly real friends, and basically a LIFE to move down here, and open my own store *CRASHBANGBOOM* didn't happen... SO now I am living with my parents, and I finally have a job in a school system as a teachers assistant and I am very excited about this new adventure. I am slightly certain that there will be no one with in my age bracket working at this particular building, but that's ok, I don't care. It's a new start, and new people, new contacts. Every so often I have that OH EM GEE I am totaly in the same exact spot I was this time last year except I was already working in that school system for almost a year... so actually I am further behind... BUT, that's ok. Everything happens for a reason...
Also, I will be starting my masters, and I WILL FINISH! I started last year in a bigger school, in a bigger town, and it was for a different degree, and just felt all wrong. I will be getting my elementary education degree and be licensed to have my own class room and teach kids real things... that will be a whole different ball game... But on a brighter note, this is a smaller program, and way less cliquey (I hope) and I will meet new people and finally get out of whatever worm hole I've fallen into where everyone I know is at least 40 years old...
Totally apologize for this being a gigantic complain snooze fest but I am just so antsy for things to start and be new and exciting that I cant sit still, all I want to do is get ready for my first day at school, which is tonight... so since that's still four hours away... I wrote this instead...

Dunkin Donuts cups of insanity

I am not entirely sure when this whole thing started, but for some reason, my mother has a compulsive need to save dunkin' donuts cups. Plastic or Styrofoam it doesn't matter, every now and then a new one gets stashed away in the cabinets. She also saves the lids..... and the straws....

This drives me insane.

She even has a stash of Styrofoam cups at the store. One day I found part of the stash behind the counter, so I consolidated it to the back room, in two giant towers of cups. Two minutes after she walked into the store "Where are my cups!". Damn spidey sens..

Sometimes I try to throw one away when shes not looking to eat away at the stash and another one magically appears. Literally, I don't know where they came from. We only get Dunks now if were going out of town or something, so seriously... they must be breeding to keep their rebel numbers strong in the fight against me.

I've decided that shes crazy and I should let it go and just secretly hate it... like about 45 other things that she does that I don't think I will EVER understand...

And then I started making smoothies in the morning to bring to work so I don't get too hungry. (AWESOME idea, Greek yogurt and fruit and chocolate soy milk...mmmm...) For Christmas I got one of those Starbucks look- a - like plastic reusable stay cold but not sweat everywhere crazy cups in my stocking, so that's what I use for my smoothies. Unfortunately since I am naturally a blonde, if I have to remember more then three things at any given moment, anything extra will most definitely be forgotten about. I need to be one of those kids that has their address, schedule, and emergency contact info stapled to their bag, and their mittens attached via string through their jacket, and probably one of those hats with tie on ear flaps just for good measure....Anyways I left it at work and didn't realize it till I was making the next days smoothie. I had to use one of moms damn dunkin' donuts cups....

I think this made me more angry then the fact that she stashes them away...

Spend all your money! new glass!! yay!

New Esty listings! buy it now! yay money!

This guy is going for $80:

Buy me here!!

      

                          

And this guy is going for $280

Buy me here!

 

That is all, Happy Thursday!

the stained glass process

So I know you are all wondering how an amazing artist like myself goes about the "artistic process". Well... it goes a little something like this

1) Come up with a really epic amazing fantastic so freaking exciting idea for a window.

2) Do NOT write it down because you are SO freaking excited about it and its so awesome, that how could you possibly forget what it was

3) Immediately forget what the idea was.

4) Also immediately forget the fact that you had a really epic amazing fantastic freaking exciting window idea in the first place

5) Allow anywhere between 3 days and two weeks pass

6) Suddenly remember the idea at two in the morning and think you will remember what it was because, hello, it just woke you up from a peaceful slumber

7) Allow two more days to go by

8) FINALLY write down fantastic amazing idea

9) Give it another week or so for good measure, just to let the idea sink in

10) In a fit of creative energy begin drawing up said idea, but only after 8 or 9 at night

11) Edit drawing for insomniac induced insanity, and/or peices that are just not humanly possible with out a huge saw

12) Contemplate leaving in said insanity and using said saw

13) Remember saw is broken and curse the heavens, and remove crazy insanity

14) Allow another week go by because you don't want to talk to the squeeky oily teenager that works at the FedEx office copy center place

15) Finally make three copies of the design, roll them up and promptly leave them in the backseat of your car for three days

16) Pick out the glass you want to use, this could take anywhere from 20 minutes to a week because damnit that just isn't the right sage green and it has those weird circle-y things in the texture of the glass, and OMG it would look so cool for lily pads but this window doesn't have lily pads so I STILL NEED A NEW GREEN

17) Try REALLY REALLY hard not to throw things because they will shatter and also you cant throw tantrums anymore

18) Get over your fit and try to find those designs that you SWORE you brought into the house but they aren't in the studio and they aren't in your room, and they aren't in your designated spot of crap of the kitchen table so WHERE THE HELL... oh wait... yes.... they are in your car....

19) Finally start cutting out all the millions of pieces from the paper copies and laying them out on the glass, and start wondering why you like to do this so much, and why the hell you ALWAYS make sure there are at least ten really tiny peices and at least 7 really really hard to cut ones, and start hating yourself for making the design so hard

20) After you've cut at least 100 pieces, you also have to cut up little pieces of double sided tape, and peel the little backing off of it. You should probably start researching specialists in your area to treat the inevitable carpel tunnel you will have. That should actually probably be step one

21) Go back to all the pieces that have been so methodically taped on the glass (And make sure they are all going in the right "direction" because mom will DEFINITELY point that one out) and trace all of the pieces with a sharpie

22) Cut out and grind all of the pieces... this can take anywhere from a week to 3 months depending on how many pieces and how freaking excited you are about the window

23) Stab yourself at least 9 times, and slice yourself at least twice bad enough to probably need stitches

24) Go rock climbing because that's a really good idea to do immediately after slicing your hands open; the chalk stops the blood flow and I heard that's really healthy.

25) foil every single piece, sometimes multiple times. Make sure to do this late at night, and try to do the entire window all in one night, just to make sure you feel extra awesome the next day. You should probably also look into a masseuse

26) Get SUPER excited because its almost done and its going to look AWESOME

27) Solder

28) Immediately want to smash it on the ground because you are overly critical and not living up to your own expectations

29) Slip into a creative black hole for a few weeks

30) Repeat

Hes just not that into you

I have recently decided that chasing after this recent dream of mine is not much unlike dating a guy that just doesn't seem that into you. Not that I am currently there now, but I have been there in the past. You both play this game like things are going to change down the road, like maybe if you say things differently, or ignore his calls a few times he will think twice and for some reason it'll work out. And sometimes it does for a while and they will call back and hang out for a few weeks; inconsistent reinforcement is a bitch cause you never know when or where or how its coming. But when you get it is so reassuring, and you keep trying for the one random moment to hit you like a freight train. It feels so freakin' good too, like you won some sort of competition. And sometimes it works out in the end, other life factors work themselves out, stress factors relieve themselves so people can truly focus on what or who is going to make them happy. Which of course in turn makes you happy because you can finally be together with nothing holding you back. And other times it tears you in two for a little while, till all you can do is cry a little less every day until you can move on. The shitty thing is that this isn't just another guy I'm dating and I can't just walk away... so for right now I am stuck in the shitty cry a little every day phase. Silver lining though; I am figuring out a lot of other things that make me happy, which I have neglected to do in the past.

Boston Childrens Hospital part 2

OK time for some serious stuff...
This one time, when I was like... in the womb... doctors were all "Hey... that's definitely not good, time to come out" and I'm all "THANK GOD finally, shits goin' down.... and I don't feel so great, let me out!"
So then they were all like... "Ummm WTF?" and since I was so far into the "WTF" category, I was whisked away to a magical place called Boston Children's Hospital. 
As described here, this hospital is probably the definition of awesome.
Every time I return, it makes me reflect on about a bajillion things all at once, and its all so freaking overwhelming that I distract myself with the brightly colored things and the keyboard stairs.

For one, what the hell would have happened to me if I had no been born near this amazing hospital. And for another thing, as I am reading in The Work of Human Hands, my Dr. wasn't always so keen on being a Dr. so umm thanks guy for not deciding you hate medicine. Seriously though, miracle worker. When I was little he was already pretty up there in the age department. Hes still kickin' and sharp as a tack too, but the world is going to be less one really great man when he passes away. Reminder to self; make a visit... and soon...

Another thing that I cant help thinking of, is how that place is ALWAYS busy, all times of day and night, people are everywhere. There is never a single waiting room, doctors office, cafeteria, or cafe that is empty. Which leads into the "Holy crap, this many people have really sick children" and then the "Thank god they are here getting amazing medical care". It kind of makes me wish I had taken a more noble/heroic/whatever type of career path, social work, or nursing, or  medicine. But.. I didn't. I'm kind of a slacker and currently a drain on the economy (soon to change right?). So that just leaves me to say that there aren't words that can explain my gratitude to these nurses, and doctors, and everyone else that works in a place like this. Cause while I don't have the strength to do it, these people do it every day. They save lives, and they make miracles happen, and some day when I have children of my own, I know they would be there with open arms should I need them. So.. Thanks..

Boston Childrens Hospital; part one

So maybe like 5 years ago I saw this Dr. and had all these tests done, and hes all "You should probably come back every six months for a little while so we know your still alive". So, naturally, being the really good patient that I am, I think Ive been back like... three times...  Obviously I know I am not dying, most of the time. I get the random bout of hypochondria and think I have cancer or something, but... its usually nothing to do with my kidneys/bladder so I say "Eh, don't care!"
So today, we went to Boston Children's Hospital to have more testing done so he could yet again say "Yup everything's fine, see you in six months!" (Except this time he said a year and a half, SCORE)
I learned several things during the visit. Even though I am now 25, I still fit in splendidly at a children's hospital for the following reasons:
         A) Bright colors are EVERYWHERE in this hospital and it is totally awesome, really bright things hang from the ceiling in the main lobby, and there are brightly colored salt water fish tanks in just about every waiting room. Also, the different buildings and areas are completely color coded AND they have different pictures. This is freaking awesome. When I get lost (because I didn't bring the papers that read "Please bring these with you" all across the top) I don't immediately panic. In adult hospitals every freaking inch looks ridiculously the same as the inch before it, and the inch after it. If you go down the wrong hall way you don't know how far to go because the next hall way isn't yellow or red or purple or whatever color its supposed to be, its just white.
        2) I look like I am 12. When I walk into the hospital and I am with my dad, no one really looks at me funny for being a patient at a children's hospital until they ask me my birthday... which they do about a million times.... but until then I fit in PERFECTLY.
        Q) They are always playing some sort of classic Disney movie; Today's was the Jungle Book, and there was actually a point in the conversation when I didn't hear what my dad said because I was too engrossed in Mogli being hypnotized by the creepy snake with the weird trippy eyes that will probably give me nightmares... so here's a reminder...

 

 

Seriously who's idea was this?!

      D) I still really enjoy things like fruit by the foot, so I think until I grow out of things like that I am welcome at the Children's Hospital.. In fact... to reward myself for having awesome kidneys I came home and immediately ate an entire bag of gummy bears until I got kind of sick because no one was around to stop me. If that's not Children's Hosptial material I don't know what is.
     11) When I was little I practically lived at this hospital... and yet in all those years I only remember one physical aspect of the building. There was this wall of clear frosted crazy looking blocks/tiles. Like an entire wall floor to ceiling of them, very 80's looking. I think they lit up too, at least that's what I remembered, all kinds of crazy trippy neon colors. Literally the only thing I remember is this cool wall. Today... I found that wall... although it has been moved, and it no longer lights up (probably because its right next to a really beautiful courtyard that had always been there as well but I apparently didn't really care about) I still love that wall, and I had to touch it.

Awesome) Keyboard stairs... enough said

All in all it was a really good day at the Hospital. However, next time I would rather have the room with the Antarctica tribute all over the walls and ceiling. While the Rocky Mountains one was pretty cool, the moose was a little scary, and I am pretty sure chipmunks shouldn't be glittery... Either way penguins are way cooler.

I have no shame

Yesterday when I was at the Dr.s office I suddenly realized that I probably talk about bodily functions and medical problems a little too freely
 Yes, I did make my dad take his 25 yr old daughter to her Dr's appointment. Mainly because I am so completely terrified of driving in Boston traffic that I would probably be found in Public Alley # 5395 in the fetal position sucking my thumb; thus missing my appointments and the whole thing would have to happen all over again in about three months. NO THANKS! Also, as I have already mentioned, I have a really hard time paying attention, particularly when something is really important. Like when he is saying "Ok, everything looks good the left one is here and is at about 47% and the right one is here and thats at about 53%..." but I'm in the corner trying to figure out if 47 and 53 equal 100 (which they do, Ta-Da!)
 So, I made the adult decision of making him come so we wouldn't have to miss any bits of important information.
 after two non invasive tests (AWESOME) that took a combined total of 20 minutes (even more AWESOME), we had a lengthy doctors appointment with the head of urology, his nurse, and surprise to me, a very up beat and pushy social worker (Not really so awesome...).
 The appointment consisted of me talking, in great detail, about things that girls just don't do because were made of sugar and spice and everything nice... right? WRONG!! We do all those things so get over it! :-D
 After about 20 minutes discussing various bodily functions with out hesitation with people I have only met about three times in my life, and my DAD I realized... holy crap... it is way to easy for me to talk about these things... Its a good thing that I have a filter or I probably would have been discussing them at dinner later.  Also, the social worker popped in later, and invited me to a group where I could go and meet other girls with the same problems and talk about relationships, and sex and stuff... Aren't you glad you came dad?!
 I also realized that my dad got to sit through those discussions just so that we could hear "Yup! your doing fine! No reason what so ever for your pain, see you in a year!" Which, holy crap that's awesome. He went from trying to get me to go every six months to a year, awesome... but... no reason for the pain... hm.. ok deal with that later...
 I guess all in all, what I am trying to say, is that pretty much my entire family/loved ones know way too much about my bodily functions etc, so thanks guys for putting up with it! It can go back to rainbows and unicorns for a few months; and I will do my best to keep my filter in place for that kind of stuff.

Adult Decisions... and Chocolate cake

Ok so I'm old, and 25 now. Basically my life is over. Its pretty much all down hill from here. Today I walked by Coldwater Creek and said "Hmm that looks cute" to several things... and then like ten gray hairs sprouted from my head simultaneously...
 Along with that, comes making some really important adult-like decisions.
I still have birthday cake left over, and also just so happens that its certain lady times. My chocolate craving sky rockets every third Tuesday... Too much? hm, well too bad...
 So, I had to make the decision of what to feed my self for dinner, and for the past two nights I had either had cake or chocolate covered fruits...
 I said "Self, you are too damn old to be eating candy for dinner three nights in a row, you have to keep it to two nights, cause that is just down right ridiculous!"
 I then set about fixing myself a delicious gourmet meal that took a very long time to prepare... of high fiber cereal and skim milk... and then CAKE!...

Jesus is stealing my thunder

As you all know, my b-day is Saturday. Its the big 25. In honor of the big day, my hair dresser pulled out my very first gray hair on Wednesday, and I fear I have the beginnings of some knee problems. All in all, its a very important day and I know you were all excited about it...

 And then I heard about The Rapture. Since I was living in a cave, I had only recently heard about it. And now everyone is completely distracted from the big event because Jesus is totally stealing my thunder...
 Seriously Jesus, you couldn't have picked ANY other day? What about Sunday? Isn't that supposed to be a really important day of the week religiously speaking? Like the whole Church thing and whatnot?
 The only other thing that I can think of is that Jesus wanted to come down on the 25th anniversary of my birth and say happy birthday himself. Either that or Him and God are finally taking me. Despite their best efforts at my birth, with the whole not really actually developed... at all... thing... they are probably kind of mad I've lasted this long...

 In any event, whos joining me in some Post- Rapture Birthday looting on Saturday?

facebook and twitter

What uuuup! just an update, there is a facebook page for my blog at "Hi I live with my parents" and you can also follow me on twitter at reillyartglass. I have been taking way too many migraine meds to try to figure out how to make those happy little buttons on the side of my page to make life easier for you guys so deal with it.
Happy Thursday!

I am kind of a dirty hippie...

... and I didn't realize it until recently...

            The conversation went a little something like this;

            David; You smell nice is that a new perfume?

            Me: No… I think that’s just soap… I am actually... clean…”

And then I immediately thought “wow that’s really gross” and went to do some laundry...

10 followers!

10 followers! Heeelllzzz yes! Thanks guys!

Onto real news; dropping off the loan app and business plan Friday to lender number three :)

Real post tomorrow, and hopefully pictures of the sugar skull next week. Turns out trying to do a 12 hr marathon to finish a piece is actually kind of really bad for your hands... I guess that means I have to be an adult and do my work in a timely manner instead of cramming into a week?

 Oh who am I kidding, its probably only going to get worse and way more out of control and irresponsible..
 Anywho, hope ya'll had a good Wednesday!

Holy Crap!

Ok so my blog just hit 1,000 page hits and that makes me really happy. Also, its my b-day this weekend (which you all better remember) and I am going to see Brothers Mccann on Friday, and see some really awesome people that I really miss a lot and I am really excited...

Also this was kind of just an excuse to post something today...
Good night!

“Is this Hogwarts? And what happened to my bones?”

Ok so everyone already knows that I am a huge geek. I read Harry potter, and watched all the movies in such quick succession that I had dreams about them… a lot… and not the “Oh Harry” kind (which would make me really seriously concerned) but the “Holy crap I am flying on a broom and killing people” kind… almost every night at one point, and that embarrassing information is not even the point of this post.

            Not everyone knows that I sleep like a two year old. I HAVE to fall asleep on my stomach or my entire night is all messed up. Also, because I had an unhealthy amount of pacifiers when I was a toddler, I sleep with my hand in front of my mouth. I am pretty sure that’s because it’s the most socially acceptable replacement for a pacifier. No one wants to be the kid that still sucks their thumb at the sleep-overs. Sister does it too so that means I’m not weird… Because of this I end up with my arms under my body for most of the night which I am pretty sure if going to leave me horribly disfigured when I am old.

            These two factors combined with my limbs falling asleep at alarming rates these days lead to a somewhat frightening internal monologue one night…

            I woke up to find that my arm was so ridiculously sleep that I was literally shaking it like it wasn’t my arm. Like what is this dead random other persons arm doing in my bed. My next immediate thought in my half awake stupor was…

            “Holy crap! Am I in Hogwarts?... Someone stole my bones!... WTF is going on! This is some fucked up shit man… oh no… wait… ok… never mind… I’m in my room in my own bed…”

True story

I really did envision Hogwarts, like the scene in chamber of secrets when he falls off his broom and that idiot professor tries to help him but instead takes the bones out of his arm… that’s what I thought my arm looked like…

My next immediate thought was “Holy God, it’s a good thing no one was around to see this, I cant tell anyone…”

So of course I figured this would make a really good blog post…

Happy Monday!

If I was pmsing right now..

Me: *burp* Mom, don't you miss me when I am gone? Isn't it just too quiet around here?*hiccup*
Mom: Well, I know that if your not here, your happy, so I am ok with it
Me: Aw crap, if I was hardcore pmsing right now I would probably have cried

Sometimes she busts out with these crazy emotional things that I am totally not expecting, least of all when I am giving her a really hard time about how annoying it is to live with me..

Gotta love moms!

Dear today;

Dear Today;
 You were a huge bitch. You kicked me in the crotch, and then kicked me again when I was down. Thanks for that. If it weren't for your shitty moves, I probably would not have gotten pissed off enough to finish this...

I also would not have found more ways to over come your ridiculous negative ways. So, try again crappy day, if you must, but you will never win

Happy Cinco De Mayo

I am having a tough time coming up with posts because I haven't been angry and gloomy and sarcastic lately. That's ok with me, but here is a picture until I come up with something funny to post...

"well you could have just let me go!!!"

As we all know, today is a beautiful day...
How can anyone possibly be negative on such an amazing day?!

Well some people are really good at it...

There is one driving move that I will never understand that occurs quite frequently here on the cape; the "Im going to stick myself out like a jackass until someone lets me go, and then yell and swear at everyone that doesn't stop the normal flow of traffic to allow me in"

Don't get me wrong, I am a huge jackass like that when I drive, but come on people COMMIT!! If you are going to be a jerk just do it, don't half ass it and pull out half way making people drive around you instead of causing a huge accident to slam on their brakes to let you go
Furthermore, don't say things like this out your window:
"Well you could have let me go!!"
No, sorry I couldn't; I am obligated not to let pansies like you out into traffic to cause massive death and destruction with your wimpy indecisive ways... Have a BEAUTIFUL weekend!!! 

insanity

It really blows my mind how I havent posted in days but I still am averaging 20+ hits a day... Thanks guys for not having lives! My self esteem depends on you!... Only not really... but that probably made you feel needed and wanted and loved right?

Happy Thursday!!
Nnew window drawings coming soon

Daily update of lame stories

So, I dont think I will get around to doing my glass recap. Partly because I am far too important and busy today to take some pictures. But incase you were wondering I was working on a shell with some holly and a ribbon to sell to some lovely rich people. Its exciting and totaly worth all of their dollars.
Now just to find said rich people with lots of dollars...

And on that note, I will leave you with a cryptic message...
shit is about to go down!

That is all... Happy Monday!

Beautiful Ireland

As promised here, I took pictures of the toilets in the hotel rooms in Ireland just to bug you with an annoying post. I think I missed the hotel in Cork though. Also it should be noted that Ireland is extremely green so all of these toilets are those water saving low flow flush kind
Enjoy!
:-D

 This hotel was crazy ^^ it was a handicapped hotel room, and I am not even going to get into that insinuation, but the entire bathroom was like a gigantic shower, I totally danced and sang and had myself a good ole time

I dont know what to call this one... deal

Ok, so I've been single for just over a year now, and before that I was in some not so awesome relationships, but who hasn't been there. Since then I have been on various dating sites, resulting in all kinds of ridiculous dates, getting some of the strangest emails from people, and in some instances, have been completely horrified by some of the profiles out there. I am actually attempting to get all of my stories, theories, rants, whatever you want to call them, together, and write a book. There are some pretty shitty books out there that have been published, so I figure I got a shot.
 On countless profiles I have seen men claim that romance is not dead, and they go right by their women, and treat them like princesses and blah blah blah *Puke*.I don't know how or when or why this happened but for some reason, so many men out there think they are Gods gift to the planet just because they held open a door for a girl, and paid for their $4 dollar beer on the first date. That's nice and everything, but I don't think when a couple that has been happily married for 50+ years is asked how it all started, their answer was "Well, he paid for my beer that one time".... That would be a really very sad story in my personal opinion.
I blame this all entirely on my mother of course, but I am a complete romantic at heart. I don't know why because in all the time that I have been around, I have never really gotten to witness many truly romantic stories. With the exception of my mother, I don't know many other people besides myself that live in a world of romance and hope and grand gestures. But of course all this occurs in my head, on the pages of a book, or on a movie screen, because despite what those profiles claim, romance is dying.
And what happened to it anyway? The love notes, the flowers, talking in a car all night in the middle of a rain storm, or for that matter, just flat out being nice to one another. 
There are so many romantic comedies, and romance novels that depict these things in great detail, but its all us women seeing them or reading them. Why? Because there is something tragically missing from our lives. I am all for being a strong independent woman and doing things for myself. Hell, I think it would be fantastic if I could be the breadwinner, and my someday husband cares for my someday children. Hows that for modernity? But that doesn't mean that we sacrifice the romance. And I also want to point out that I think this is a very two way street, so this is not entirely hating on men. I have completed countless small gestures, crafts, baking, you name it, in the desperate hope that the guy will get the hint and return the favor.
Maybe my problem is I hope that I can teach them when we are way too far into the game, or I got to them when they have already been ruined and turned cynical by some other crazy woman.
In any case, as I go through the roller coaster of being convinced I am going to die alone, in the auntie brigade forever, to being blindly and completely in lust for someone, I still cling desperately to the hope that there is a shred of romance out there. I believe it because I've felt the spark. That "holy crap, how have I been living with out this person in my life for so long" butterflies driving to their house, weak knees at a phone call, breath completely taken away by a kiss, feeling. The ending to that story doesn't really matter, as someone once told me "it was the right feeling with the wrong person". The point is that I've felt it. I've been in a world seen through those rose colored glasses and I fully believe I can have it again. It was short lived, and I got really hurt in the end, but I got some of the kind of romance people write about. So maybe I am not stuck in the wrong time period because I have felt it and I know with out a doubt it will happen again. 
But until then I have to muddle through emails like this one:
"Hey baby, do you work at hooters? I really love the wings there, maybe you could bring some over and then we'd really have something going" True story, hows that for a romantic gesture.

Most rediculous story ever....

 ... only not really... I just still haven't decided how I feel about everything that happened... If I should be mad, scared or in awe... but anywho....
I don't think I could hate hair elastics more than I have in the past week... Which is a lot of hate because some of them I am allergic to. I am allergic to latex and rubber, so certain hair elastics give me hives and have on occasion made my eyes swell shut... and I hate them more right now due to the following story, than when my eyes were swollen shut and I was in bed on lots of drugs and completely miserable and disgusting...

For some unknown reason, Vegas has become completely ridiculously obsessed with hair elastics. Its actually a really huge problem. Hes hidden them under the stove, put them in the toilet, and recently has taken to shredding them to pieces and eating them. Lately I have been super good about keeping them away from him, but between forgetting in the middle of the night, and traveling and other random situations, I had run out and bought some more. I then... because I have been living in a rats nest... threw the package on the ground, hoping that since it was on this nice cardboard sleeve, that he would leave them alone...

I was incredibly mistaken, and the following events never would have ever in a million years crossed my mind..

 One morning I was sitting in the living room drinking my coffee and waking up when I see Vegas doing the "I just killed something and I am so freaking proud that I am going to parade it around the house until someone notices" walk. You totally know what I'm talking about, the one where they look like they have grown about an inch and their ears are pointing straight up and their pupils are HUGE... yeah that walk... so I chased him around only to find that he was carrying around the little sleeve of hair elastics... so I took it back and put it in this drawer....

 So then, about 3:00 am rolls around, and I can hear him playing in my room but I cant figure out what hes doing. Turn on the light and he has about 10 hair elastics scattered around him and hes happy as a crack addict that just scored. Soo I go about collecting said hair elastics and putting them in another drawer, but I cant find the cardboard sleeve so I said F*ck it and go back to bed cause its 3 am and this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous. So then another half hour goes by and hes still roaming around and playing with shit. I finally get back up and hes got MORE hair elastics but I still can not find any evidence of said sleeve. So at 3:30 in the morning I begin cleaning my room. By about 4:00 I get everything situated, find the hair elastics and put them in this drawer....

And it should be noted that the shelf above it at the time was completely packed to the brim with all my tank tops, so much so that I couldn't find space for anything else and had to leave a small pile of t-shirts on the floor, which is how my room got to be such a rats nest in the first place but that's another story for another day....
So then I CLOSED the closet doors like this...

This is about the time my windows started leaking which I talked about here
So after all this bullshit I finally get to bed, probably around 4:30, and try to sleep...
 And this is where shit gets crazy...
 Vegas opens the closet doors, climbs up into the tshirt stuffed shelf, opened the drawer, pulls out the entire sleeve of hair elastics, and jumps down and just looks at me like "What?"
Um... Really?
At that point I was seriously considering giving him up for adoption because it was 4:30 in the morning and I wasn't up because I was out having fun with my friends but because my cat was being a huge d-bag, but then I realized that even if my heart really did grow so icy and void of love that I could give away my cat, I would probably feel terrible for inflicting that poor family with the monster that is Vegas....
(The night didn't end there mind you, but its not nearly as entertaining)

How a towel can be the biggest douche bag in the world

You know how when your cats being a huge d bag, and playing in just about everything possible, and chewing on computer wires, and eating hair elastics... literally ripping them to shreds and eating them, and jumping on your back, and attacking your feet when you walk and opening closet doors on his own and doing just about EVERYTHING possible to make you not sleep for four days and it makes you so completely insane you wind up cleaning your room at 4:30 in the morning in order to hide all of the elastics because if he makes you miss another night of sleep again you might accidentally leave the back door open for way too long, and he might accidently find himself outside with the hawks and foxes and coyotes and then while your cleaning your room you come to find that your house is leaking, again, particularly through your bedroom windows, again, and dripping onto literally all of the precious books you own, again and your parents only solution is to put a towel on the window ledge but the towels are too big and it falls off about a bajillion times before it stays, but about five minutes later its too water logged in one spot so you have to keep on moving it around it which makes it fall off a bajillion more times? Yeah I really hate that too, and that's how a towel can be a douche bag.

I suck... sorry guys!

For all... ten of you... who religiously read this blog... sorry I've been MIA for a few days.... Lots of crazy stuff is going down this week. The good news is I am an auntie to a gorgeous little girl, the not so great news is I may or may not need to make a career change for a little while, which combined with other stressful things like being to lazy to go running means my brain is like this...

Which is not very conducive to me being an idiot...


More not so good news, I will be harassing everyone once again come next Monday with new posts! I think there is one in there about toilets... and also about me being incredibly awkward with some really attractive Irish man... and as my stats show me, the stories where I am awkward and embarrassing do the best, so stay tuned for that one

So anyway, I drew you a picture to get you through the weekend....

Ok... so... I dont REALLY know when Easter is... I kind if just look for the Boston Marathon/School vacation and assume its somewhere around there... So.... There yah go.... I might do something else for us non-religious/non-Easter celebrating people, but we shall see how politically correct I am feeling....

Irrational fear #21

I don't know where this intense hatred started, or what traumatic event triggered it, but I really, REALLY dislike bicycles.
First off, I don't know where bike riders got their information, but "share the road" does not mean that they can swerve wherever they damn well please and hope us motorists wait patiently for them to get the hell out of the way. Sometimes I think bike riders are more dangerous than some drivers. In fact I was passenger in a car that was once hit by a bike rider... true story...
Anywho, back to my irrational fears... I am terrified of riding a bike, and if I for some reason ever loose my license, I refuse to make a bike my main mode of transportation. I know there are people like me out there driving down the road all happy as a clam when they happen upon a bicyclist and it takes all the will power in the world not to run them over. They may even jerk the wheel a little. So next time your riding your bike down the road, and you notice some cars swerving around a bit, its not because they are trying to avoid you. Its because it takes every fiber of their being not to run you down. We're out there, be afraid, be very afraid 

"This might be a stupid question but..."

most recent stupid questions

 1) Is Macedonia a country? 
 2)Do dogs feel it when their whiskers get trimmed? 
 3) What is a pimento?
 4) Do birds beaks grow?

 At least I know that tuna is a fish and not a type of chicken... so I got that going for me.... which is nice...

Somebodys got a case of the mondays glass recap 4-4-11

Not a whole lot going on over here right now as far as glass is concerned. Being a total idiot, now I got that one covered.
Anywho
I made a few of these...

I am going to tell who ever buys this particular one that the real Nobska is actually crooked.

 This is the old design...

I decided to nix it because although it is accurate to the real Nobska light house with the window, those two little pieces are a pain in the ass, and make the price go up by 7 dollars; no thanks

I also made one of these....

and have the pieces cut for a few more, which will probably go in Sage for the time being. This one is also a pain in the ass but at least it doesn't cost a lot too.

My purose in life

its official...

I have been put on this planet simply for the purpose of entertaining others, at my expense of course.

The other day I drove out to Sandwich to speak to a glass artist, which is an entirely different story for another day. I realized about 5 minutes into my trip that I definitely needed gas ASAP. After speaking with the artist I went across the street to a HESS which I never go to. When I pull in I notice a truck pulled off to the side, and the engine is running but I cant see into the car to see if someone is in it.
So there I am acting like hot shit, trying to get the pump working.... and it wont start... so I get a little upset, throwing my hands up secretly hoping someone will help me... So I moved to the next pump cause I heard the attendant saying they've been having problems, so maybe it wasn't me and it's just the pump being stupid...

So again I put my card in and try to get it going... still not working... so I storm into the gas station and say "Ok so maybe I'm just being a total air head but I cant get the pump to work". So he tells me this weird explanation that the pumps are having a problem with debit cards and run it through as credit.

I do what he says... STILL not working. By this point I am talking to my self, swearing, arms flailing, very obviously pissed off and definitely about to go find a new gas station cause obviously HESS sucks and none of their pumps work...

A nice man then comes over and asks if I got it to work yet.... and then flips the little lever under where the pump rests when its not in use... right next to the huge START/STOP sign....

a bit of frustration

I typically don't use this to complain. I think I randomly combusted sometime around Valentines day but there were evil forces at work that week.

My lack of having my own store has gotten exponentially more frustrating today. Sometime close to when I decided I was going to go for it, a new tenant rented a space on Main st. One I had my eye on. My bubble deflated considerably but I still kept truckin...

 I have tried to stay optimistic, and in good spirits, wishing them the best.. I even looked past the fact that they were painting with spay paint and fuming up our store... but today was opening day

 They have been blasting techno/club music for about two hours now, which we can hear through the walls. Typically I am not that frustrated by such things... but I am being a 2 yr old right now... I wanted that space, and I most definitely would not be blasting ridiculous music. It should have been mine

 Oh well, Its not and that sucks but whatever... its out of my system and I am done now...

 Good luck to them!

"Hmm.. what tastes sweet?"

So every other week we have family dinner night on Sunday night. This week my brother and his wife and her sister came to visit so we did it Saturday night so they wouldn't miss dinner before they left on Sunday. These dinners also include a new recipe, most of the time, in order to "broaden our horizons" or whatever. So we had Fireman's chicken spaghetti dinner. We all sat down served ourselves and began eating.

About two minutes into the dinner I was all like "hmm its good, but what in it tastes sweet?"

"Oh well it says to use corn flakes"

cooking isn't really a strong suit in our family....

Happily the use of frosted flakes worked out well for this meal, and we all decided that it doesn't really need to be changed in the future...

Pop-Tarts

Recently the ad campaign for Pop-Tarts has included a series of animated cartoons set to music.
Here's the commercial I have in mind incase you are not a big T.V. person. (I am a knitter it kind of comes with the territory.)
For what ever reason this commercial has a profound effect on me. I do NOT want to eat Pop-Tarts, let me just make that one clear. I am definitely a toaster strudel person. But, this commercial stays stuck in my brain for days on end. And now its going to be stuck in yours!!! Ha ha ha!

The best part about this commercial getting stuck in my head is that sometimes I sing the songs in my head. Actually that's a lie. At least once a day the song is stuck in my head, but usually more then that, so basically at any given moment I could really be singing the pop-tarts song instead of paying attention to the environment around me. This generally starts getting into thinking of sunflowers with cartoon faces, as discussed here. Also, I very absentmindedly start to bob along with the song in my head.

Very often I find myself dancing along to the song, bobbing my head from side to side only to find that there is in fact no music. This happens when I am writing my blog posts a lot. I also do this weird tilt my head to the side thing when I am thinking. I am sure this will come up in a later post

Anywho.... that is all....

Those weights weigh about a billion and a half

Just because I feel like venting...

But there is a picture involved to make up for the meaningless bitching....

So last night I texted my sister to see if she was planning on going to the gym, mainly because I am super socially awkward, and I wanted to try the weight machines... but not alone... never alone because then someone will ask if I need help, which I desperately do, but I always say no. And then I usually fumble around clearly having no idea what I am doing, and obviously needing loads of help, and with more than just the weight machines...

So shes all "well I have the day off tomorrow can we go at 8"
And I'm all "No I'm a super bitch and I'm gonna make you go at 7:30!!! Roar!!"

So this morning my alarm goes off at 6:30... 5 more minutes stupid alarm!

7:30 rolls around... oh damn slept through my alarm so I drag myself outta bed, get cooper outside, get dressed grab my shoes and water and run outta the house, get in the car to bolt to the gym, and realize my gas light is on. Another thing I have to worry about since I hate talking to just about anyone I dont know. Just thinking about having to talk to the gas station attendant made my heart rate rise a little

By the time I get to the gym, my sister is already pretty much done... cause Im a slacker and now the worlds biggest jerk cause I made her get up early on her day off just so I could sleep through my alarm and be mega late...

So we make our way over to the weight section and start using the machines. The walls are covered from floor to ceiling with mirrors, so not only do you feel silly doing an awkward repetitive motion in a crazy looking contraption, but you have to watch yourself doing it. Or make it a point not to look at yourself, which is difficult since the entire gym is literally covered in mirrors, so it kind of adds to the awkward feeling of using the machines. To top it off the big scary man on the machine next to you has about five different angles to stare at you and plan how to kill you since he is obviously a murderer he is that scary.... when in real life he is probably a cuddly teddy bear with a yorkie terrier that has a matching gym sweatsuit....




anywho, so then I started doing some exercises my physical therapist recommended ages ago and I never did, but because I have skeleton arms, I have to use a three pound weight... THREE POUND weight...
meanwhile scary man is sitting next to me watching himself in the mirror as he lifts what is probably a million pound weight. All I can picture in my head is the old school cartoons with the guys with the bodys that are shaped like upside down triangles wearing what looks like those creepy wrestling unitard things, lifting other triangle cinder block weights with "1000 lbs" written on the front;

or the guy from the planet fitness commercial and all he can say is "I lift things up and put them down"

After the gym I had to go to the gas station, but because I am insane, I refuse to go to a full station. Not because its expensive but because I hate talking to the attendant. I immediately think I sound like an idiot and go over the brief two second conversation in my head wondering if I said anything dumb...
The gas tank thing says I have about 8 miles left in my tank, so a heart attack later and I found myself at a full station which immediately sends me into a panic attack because I have to say "Hi, can I have $20 regular? Thanks"
Sometimes I wonder how I ever survived living on my own for three years with out ending up hiding in a closet rocking back and forth sucking my thumb

This is not an archeological dig

As a female it is pretty much written in my DNA to crave delicious ice cream with insane ingredients like mini peanut butter cups or fudge shaped like fishes... Or better yet... cake batter ice cream (which I have only seen once, and need to find again asap, if anyone knows where it might be located)

I think this goes with out saying, that the ice cream is probably the worst part of the delicious treat, and the toppings and aforementioned crazy ingredients are basically epic. I dare you to try and eat ice cream with delicious treats hidden inside with out trying to dig around for the best parts. Because of this eating a pint of Ben and Jerrys becomes a little stressful.

I was not warned when purchasing my pint of ice cream that it would turn into an archeological dig.

Day 5

Day 5 Blarney Castle & Killarney

A few miles outside Cork, visit Blarney Castle and climb to the battlements to kiss the famous “Stone of Eloquence.” Also visit the Blarney Woollen Mills where you can find quality Irish-made goods of all types, conveniently displayed under one roof. Drive into the mountainous scenery of County Kerry to the attractive town of Kenmare. Stop at Moll's Gap for great views and continue along part of the Ring of Kerry route into Killarney. Check in to your hotel and relax before dinner

Happines

I think it is pretty safe to say that most of us have very nice lives. Whether or not we choose to see that, and appreciate it for what it is, is a completely different story.
In the past I have spent too many years being basically down right miserable. I often blamed it on everyone else around me, instead of looking at myself and creating the change that I wanted to see.
The past 6 months or so I have really been looking at my life and the choices that I have made, and doing what I need to do to make myself happy. I refuse to rely on other people for this and I have chosen the people around me in my life to remain in my life because they make me smile and laugh. As one of my good friends often says, they help bring me higher.
In the end though, it is up to me to decide what it is that is going to make me happy. Its my decision after all, who I keep in my life to help each other out.
I have also been trying harder to treat myself the way I need to be treated. If you know me well, you have probably heard far too many times my complaints of "well why can't I find someone to treat me the right way". Maybe I need to start doing it for myself, and everything else will fall into place; so that's what I have been doing. Ive been dragging myself to the gym even when I really don't want to, waking up early when I would really much rather sleep in, and eating all that boring healthy food. Kind of a fake it till you make it sort of plan. And for a while it really really sucked. Sometimes its my mom or my sister that is keeping me motivated to get going, so in that sense we definitely support each other especially on the sucky days.
But guess what, even though deep down I still have a lingering sadness regarding recent personal events, and I have entire days of sadness about it, I am generally so freaking excited about life that sometimes I annoy even myself.I have almost hit the same level as the way to perky front desk girl.
I know deep down that everything happens for a reason, and in the end everything will work out for the best. In the meantime I try to find simple things that make me really happy. I think in light of recent world events it is important to take a quick look at our lives and why we are so fortunate.
Anyways, this was going to be a quick funny post about things that have made me really happy lately,(I read "blogging dangerously" and she does this every week or so and I really enjoy reading it, only hers are a lot better) but I wanted to include a little more explanation. Maybe I am just being dramatic and cliche but that's ok, it happens to the best of us :)

1) I was in the book store the other day, and it was story time for the kiddies so there were a bunch of youngins on the upper level. All of a sudden this little girl started laughing so hysterically I could hear her across the store. It was the kind of laugh where its completely contagious and makes you want to hunker down for story time.
2) I fixed coopers "Baby" the other night so the stuffing wouldn't come out. He hasn't had it for almost a month, but when he realized I had it he all but jumped up on the counter to get to it. When I finished sewing it up he was so freaking excited about life I thought he would explode. He was running so fast he kept loosing traction on the hardwood and falling face first.
3) I am sitting here typing this blog post with the cat on the table next to me. When cooper came downstairs the cat immediately went to the corner of the wall and hid. When he came around the corner the cat scared the daylights out of him which in turn scared the cat. Awesome
4) Getting together with an old friend, killing a bottle of wine, going through facebook and sharing stories of old friends and ex boy friends and laughing till one in the morning
5)Being lucky enough to be able to travel. I know, your sick of hearing about it, but I am pretty sure that if I never get married and have children, I will be perfectly content with that as long as I can travel. I have officially stopped waiting for "the right time" to go on adventures because there will never truly be a "right time".
6) Making myself laugh so hard at the stupidest things that I am brought to tears several nights a week; laughter is truly the best medicine
7) Last night Vegas was hiding under a sheet we use to make our Tupperware containers look like pretty end tables. He was super skiddish and tip-toeing around like something was going to jump out and kill him. I took it upon myself to make this an entertaining situation and threw a cable needle at him. This produced an epic double jump back in surprise. It was so funny me and mom were brought to tears.
8) I burp, it happens, get over it. The other night I burped and mom laughed so hard she again was brought to tears. She was trying to say something but it was completely unintelligible. I am sure shes glad that I am home.

Whats actually going on inside my head....

Sometimes I am pretty convinced that I am a crazy person. Lots of things go on inside my head that I am not entirely sure is really normal. When I see something, or I am having a conversation with someone, something entirely different is likely going on upstairs.

When I see sunflowers for instance, this is probably what I am really picturing...

"Hi!I'm a flower and I am wicked excited about life!"

Or I am probably thinking of something similar to the very end of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, where they all skip off into Toon-land and everyone is happy. I am pretty sure there is a happy cartoon sun in there someplace. That's probably why I like sunflowers so much, because they make me think of happy cartoons.

When I see squirrels, running around being crazy squirrels, I start thinking of the Disney movie The Sword and the Stone, how they turned into squirrels for a little while and those girl squirrels started chasing them around cause they had crushes on them. If there are two I am pretty sure they are in fact the boy and the wizard running away from girl squirrels.

Also, I am pretty sure it is movies like this one that makes us girls grow up to be men-crazy stalkers... just sayin'....

The same thing goes for owls. Except for the whole men-crazy stalker bit...

If I am trying to have a really serious conversation with someone I care about, sometimes I go into panic mode.
I end up thinking things like "Holy crap this is really important/ I can't believe all this is happening/ I can't believe all this happened to them/I don't know if I can handle this" and on and on which inevitably turns into "Uh... umm... I have no idea what they are talking about now... Cantaloupe? Why are we talking about Cantaloupe... I really hope I didn't agree to something stupid or miss an important question... Maybe that's why they are talking about Cantaloupe now.... I should really start paying attention now because this is clearly very important....."

Sometimes I have missed entire conversations having another conversation in my head. Then knowing how important the topic was, I don't want to admit that I was not really listening. In my defense at least this time its legitimate. I am either panicking or trying to come up with some sort of plan on how to make things better with out hearing the end of the story. I then have to go back a few days later and ask probing questions to try and get the information back out again. This can be a difficult task because most people really don't want to go over a really difficult story, especially if it took them a long time to tell you in the first place.

In some cases this has happened and I've been too scared to ask the questions. I feel really bad that I cant pay attention and its not because I don't care. Sometimes its because I care too much, and I think my brain is like "F* this" and turns off so I don't flip out. I have gotten significantly better at paying attention as more serious situations occur as I get older, but every so often the switch gets flipped off. I guess this is my apology in advance for not listening to you. Woops! In any event, make sure I haven't had caffeine any time prior to having an important conversation because recent events have also shown me that this just makes the situation worse.

Things that really gross me out (but shouldnt)

.....and probably make me want to vomit

This was a very difficult post to write. Please don't use this against me in the future...

Raw eggs or eggs that aren't cooked long enough. By "cooked long enough" I mean they are almost about to burn before they are taken off the stove, and they are dry as a bone. Every so often I order eggs sunny side up, but then I have to try and eat them with out looking at my plate. Also they have to be eaten with bread as not to feel the undercooked egg texture.

Artificial grape flavor and artificial cherry flavor. These are both going to be a post at a later date, but they make me gag just thinking about it.

Chewable adult vitamins. For what ever reason my stomach doesn't digest regular vitamins fast enough. This leaves me feeling suddenly and  violently nauseous, complete with cold sweats, for about half an hour and then it leaves as quickly as it had shown up. I have recently started taking chewable vitamins instead. Those gummy ones looked really tempting, until I realized they were way too damn expensive. You get 50 for like 6 bucks but you have to take two a day instead of one. The chewable ones are one a day and you get 100. Deal.... until I took one... Citrusy death. I would almost rather have it taste like chewing aspirin. I am not sure why people feel the compelling need to flavor everything citrus, but sometimes it just doesn't work out.

The dry milk around the cap... enough said. Sometimes I get soy milk just to avoid this problem.

The water that forms on top of my Chobani. Sometimes I really pray that its hit the expiration date so I don't have to deal with the water. However, the best and the worst thing about Chobani is its ridiculously far away expiration dates. So I am stuck with watery yogurt that already looks like I am eating sour cream, which is really gross if you think about it or look at it too much
. Mmm... nothing beats pouring out your yogurt water first thing in the morning!


Wet peanut butter or mayo; neither of these containers will be recycled if I am made recycling captain, but this has already been discussed in great detail. I will not get my recycling gold star.

Mixing ingredients that are wet such as macaroni and cheese. I don't think I have had mac and cheese in about a year, but my step dad has it all the time. I have made it a point to be done with dinner and upstairs knitting when it is mac and cheese night. As much as I would love to eat dinner as a happy family, I just can't handle those noises. One time my sister was making Banana bread, which I love, probably too much, and my first reaction was to gag... whoops... 


The words moist, damp, and flap... gross...

There are probably way more things that make me want to die a little inside, but this is all I can handle right now

"IT"S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!"

This post serves two purposes..

The first being that it is indeed the final countdown before my trip.... I will be leaving in 4 days. When I booked this trip I didn't think that it could get here fast enough. Now I am starting to worry its going to go by too fast. But its OK because I just got a brand new camera. I am going to be like those relatives that insist on showing you wicked old slides EVERY time you visit even though you have seen them about a thousand times, and they are of useless things like the toilet in the hotel room... except they wont be slides... But I am definitely taking pictures of the toilet in the hotel room... As a matter of fact, just for you I will take a picture of every toilet in every hotel... in case you were wondering that's about 7 toilets....

The second purpose is to be really annoying... :-D
There is a T-Mobile commercial where the girl is telling the guy how much his phone sucks, and she gets some video of some concert and the guy is trying to impress her with his phones amazing music skills. I personally would love it if my phone would play the final countdown on the keyboard... Every time I hear this commercial I get the song stuck in my head. But not the real song, the guy that's singing it and playing the keyboard. So sometimes I randomly scream out "Bo bo beee booo bo da do do doooo". And you totally know what I am talking about cause you know you do it too, you just wont admit it.

Irrational Fear #4: Idiocracy

Has anyone seen the movie Idiocracy?
One night an ex-boyfriend a few years ago rented it. I think he thought it was going to be a funny guy stoner movie, with dumb jokes you will only get if your high... and boobs.
Well he was wrong....  except for the boobs part. And there were jokes, it was still a comedy, but more of one of those dark comedies... but anyways....
This movie scared me more than any horror film has. And I hate scary movies; even ones that are meant to be funny spoofs, like Zombieland, kind of freak me out, so this movie really did a number on me.
Anyways... I am pretty sure the things that happen in this movie are going to happen in real life. Except for the whole getting stuck frozen in a capsule built for army testing, and waking up a thousand years later part.
Its all about how the average IQ drops significantly and everyone gets really lazy, and some how they started watering plants with Gatorade, so they have no food, and technology has taken over everything. Its kind of like a darker more sarcastic version of Wall-E. That movie freaked me out too..
At least on the bright side we will all be dead by the time these things happen.

This time next week

At precisely 7:00pm next Tuesday I will be here

Hopefully I will have arrived here with out incident or panic attack. I am still trying to decide if I should have a few drinks first so I can sleep the whole way... but then there is the whole really small bathroom issue....

Anywho this post was created entirely to make you really jealous of me...

Any you know it definitely worked

Happy Fat Tuesday!

What did I just agree to?

Way too often I realize I have been having a conversation with someone and have not heard a single word they said. I kind of wish I came to this realization a little sooner; I probably would have gone to a better school than Fisher Price College. My ADD makes no discrimination to who it spaces out on, and what they are talking about. It just kind of happens. Like this dog with narcolepsy....

Hes so happy running around eating flowers... I am pretty sure if he had the choice he would continue running around eating flowers, not collapsing on the ground and sleeping... its a beautiful day and now its wasted. Poor dog...
Now what was I talking about...
Oh yes...
Since I spend most of my time these days with my mother, she gets tuned out the most, and most of the time by accident.
Recently, she asked me about a recipe she wants to make for dinner.
I said "mhmm sure it sounds great".
I have no idea what I agreed too, and I had already admitted to not listening to her like 20 minutes prior, so I cant do it again. I need at least another hour before I can tell her I'm not listening and not feel bad.
So if I sit down at the table and find this on my plate

Either something went horribly wrong with the recipe or she is catching on to the fact that sometimes I just don't listen

Sorry mom

Running with scissors

This was an amazing book... and I highly suggest reading it, and others by Augusten Burrows, like Holidays on ice...

But that was not where I am going with this one...

Our kitchen and dining room form a big loop, or as cooper sees it, a dog track. Its not exactly open, but this is the basic floor plan:

Clearly I was actually meant to be an architect

Cooper is a crate trained dog, and he has no medium energy level. He is either sleeping or so extremely excited about life that it kind of makes me cranky sometimes. He is like the perky girl that works at my gym. Its 7:30 in the morning, what is there to be so excited about? It really should be illegal to be that excited at certain times of the day

When I come home its like the running of the bulls... only its one really small dog, and one really fat sausage dog. The sausage dog usually prances around for a little while, but in about 20 seconds he runs out of breath and hides under the table. Cooper is just getting going

The other afternoon when I came home I decided to run around the kitchen in circles trying to wear out my little crack addict. It was one of those days where it was so windy that if I took cooper out for a walk one of two things would happen. He would either turn into a kite and become airborne, or his lungs would become filled with sand. It gets so windy that sometimes they almost have to plow our street from the sand that blows up in the road

Anyways, after about my tenth lap around our narrow kitchen I asked mom, who was quietly washing dishes at the time, with the dishwasher open, making our already small kitchen smaller "Isn't this the part where you yell at me for running in the house"
To which she responded
"Um... only if your running with scissors"

Thanks for lookin' out for me mom! 

Where the F is my package! *Update*

Since we live in the armpit of the cape we find that we often don't have the same access to shopping that we once had when we lived a little more up state. That combined with our need for strange things like this....

(It puts yarn into what is called a hank)

... and we often find ourselves ordering things online. Bedsheets for over sized mattresses, copper foil, books, you name it and we have probably ordered it online. I think at one point we were doing Peapod grocery shopping, but that maybe have been during the non-cape days. Anyways, the point is that UPS knows us so well, between the store shipments and the house shipments, everything just gets dropped off at the store, and typically in a timely fashion.

When we first moved down there I had a pair of shoes shipped to me and they couldn't find the house. I am pretty sure if you put our address into Google maps, and looked at it from the satellite pictures, you can see the house from space; its a tall house, and its the only one on the street that is bigger than a matchbox. Basically you have to be pretty stupid to miss it. They have since learned their lesson.

Lately however, things have changed. I think the definition of "one day" may have changed. Recently we have ordered a number of things (actually all of the items aforementioned), all on express shipping. It started with the bedsheets. They took no less than a month to get to the house. Then it was the skein winder. Now its my travel documents which are time sensitive. If I don't get them I don't go, which is a problem. To deal with the panic that I have been feeling awaiting my package, I have decided that there is only one explanation in the problems with shipping:

They have added a processing center in the depths of Narnia, and all of our packages must be processed through said center before proceeding to the cape.

Look at that map! That place is huge! I am never getting my tickets :(


*Update* Just got my package with my vouchers and my travel book (my Frommers book totally kicks this books ass) Turns out Aslan thought that it was an important enough package that he wanted to process it himself. Hes a busy guy so it took a little while. He also wanted to make sure that all my information was correct before sending it on its way. Thanks Aslan! Your a life saver!