Friday, June 3, 2011

Hes just not that into you

I have recently decided that chasing after this recent dream of mine is not much unlike dating a guy that just doesn't seem that into you. Not that I am currently there now, but I have been there in the past. You both play this game like things are going to change down the road, like maybe if you say things differently, or ignore his calls a few times he will think twice and for some reason it'll work out. And sometimes it does for a while and they will call back and hang out for a few weeks; inconsistent reinforcement is a bitch cause you never know when or where or how its coming. But when you get it is so reassuring, and you keep trying for the one random moment to hit you like a freight train. It feels so freakin' good too, like you won some sort of competition. And sometimes it works out in the end, other life factors work themselves out, stress factors relieve themselves so people can truly focus on what or who is going to make them happy. Which of course in turn makes you happy because you can finally be together with nothing holding you back. And other times it tears you in two for a little while, till all you can do is cry a little less every day until you can move on. The shitty thing is that this isn't just another guy I'm dating and I can't just walk away... so for right now I am stuck in the shitty cry a little every day phase. Silver lining though; I am figuring out a lot of other things that make me happy, which I have neglected to do in the past.

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