Whats actually going on inside my head....

Sometimes I am pretty convinced that I am a crazy person. Lots of things go on inside my head that I am not entirely sure is really normal. When I see something, or I am having a conversation with someone, something entirely different is likely going on upstairs.

When I see sunflowers for instance, this is probably what I am really picturing...

"Hi!I'm a flower and I am wicked excited about life!"

Or I am probably thinking of something similar to the very end of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, where they all skip off into Toon-land and everyone is happy. I am pretty sure there is a happy cartoon sun in there someplace. That's probably why I like sunflowers so much, because they make me think of happy cartoons.

When I see squirrels, running around being crazy squirrels, I start thinking of the Disney movie The Sword and the Stone, how they turned into squirrels for a little while and those girl squirrels started chasing them around cause they had crushes on them. If there are two I am pretty sure they are in fact the boy and the wizard running away from girl squirrels.

Also, I am pretty sure it is movies like this one that makes us girls grow up to be men-crazy stalkers... just sayin'....

The same thing goes for owls. Except for the whole men-crazy stalker bit...

If I am trying to have a really serious conversation with someone I care about, sometimes I go into panic mode.
I end up thinking things like "Holy crap this is really important/ I can't believe all this is happening/ I can't believe all this happened to them/I don't know if I can handle this" and on and on which inevitably turns into "Uh... umm... I have no idea what they are talking about now... Cantaloupe? Why are we talking about Cantaloupe... I really hope I didn't agree to something stupid or miss an important question... Maybe that's why they are talking about Cantaloupe now.... I should really start paying attention now because this is clearly very important....."

Sometimes I have missed entire conversations having another conversation in my head. Then knowing how important the topic was, I don't want to admit that I was not really listening. In my defense at least this time its legitimate. I am either panicking or trying to come up with some sort of plan on how to make things better with out hearing the end of the story. I then have to go back a few days later and ask probing questions to try and get the information back out again. This can be a difficult task because most people really don't want to go over a really difficult story, especially if it took them a long time to tell you in the first place.

In some cases this has happened and I've been too scared to ask the questions. I feel really bad that I cant pay attention and its not because I don't care. Sometimes its because I care too much, and I think my brain is like "F* this" and turns off so I don't flip out. I have gotten significantly better at paying attention as more serious situations occur as I get older, but every so often the switch gets flipped off. I guess this is my apology in advance for not listening to you. Woops! In any event, make sure I haven't had caffeine any time prior to having an important conversation because recent events have also shown me that this just makes the situation worse.