Monday, February 28, 2011

Sunday Funday: glass recap 2/28/11

.... only its Monday, not Sunday. I think I warned you last week that I get a case of the lazies probably ten times a day... so its late...

Mom made a bunch of these.... I told you about them last week but again... I am lazy.... so I didn't have pictures

The red one is probably about 4x4 and the green 2.5x2.5. We have a bunch and they are in all kinds of colors but I cant take the pictures today because its raining.

I made 1.5 of these...
Nobska lighthouse, Falmouth. Ill take pictures in a few months when its not spring and raining
I have some panel ideas in mind, but I have to start stock piling the easy sells. 
Happy Monday!

I am a Marathon running champion

Recently I signed up for a gym, to at the very least keep me active during this last month or so of winter. Hopefully I will continue to go once the weather gets nice and just stay in super amazing shape. Well see how that goes though because my mind is constantly at war with whether or not I actually enjoy going to the gym.

Most of the time when I go I stick to the treadmills because generally those are the safest. The ellipticals are usually taken over by women that I see every single morning, that are very large and intimidating, and I am a little concerned that they are going in the wrong locker rooms. The weight machines it goes with out saying are usually being used by guys who just did steroids in the parking lot.

So far I can't decide if running in the gym has been a good thing or a bad thing. First of all it makes me feel like a marathon runner. Since it makes you move I feel like I can run forever and it totally boosts my self esteem I sometimes have races with the people on the treadmills around me and I am always the winner even if they get off before me. They just finished before me cause they knew they couldn't beat me and gave up... not because they have probably already run about five miles... the distance they ran before I got there doesn't count, and that's not my fault, I totally kicked their ass. If I finish before them well thats easy, I won the race, duh, the first one across the finish line wins.
Its kind of like in Big Daddy when the little boy is playing cards "I Win!"

On the other hand once I go back to running on the road again I am going to feel exactly 87 years old with congestive heart failure and muscle atrophy. Also, once I stop running and I am walking on the regular floor again it feels like my IQ level has dropped significantly and I forgot how to walk on my own, which is a huge problem because the locker rooms are down a set of stairs.  And finally, even though I feel like I can run forever, I still can only run about a mile and a half which is incredibly depressing.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Dumbledor? what are you doing here?

I have come to notice that, especially on days I sleep in, I have been having incredibly strange dreams lately. Usually I am up by 730 and either already at the gym with my sister, or waiting to hear mom waking up so I can drag her to the gym. In either case, definitely by 830 I have either already come and gone or am at the gym.
Well this morning I texted Sister that I just wasn't going to make it to the gym today. I went climbing last night, so I woke up a little more "hating the gym" than usual. Also its raining, and windy, and I have the day off so I don't feel like leaving the house in the weather. In essence I am a brat.
Apparently my body thinks that sleeping in until 9 is considered sleeping in. I know people that have not seen nine am in a very long time. My own mother for instance.
On this particular morning however I am pretty glad that my body is incapable of sleeping in. I woke up three seperate times from very awful dreams, and then had one long epicly strange and awful dream, waking up for good feeling sore, and tired, and cranky. So much for sleeping in and feeling rested.
Dream number one and two: I am in a car moments before a gigantic car accident, and then the car slams into something and I wake up
Dream number three: I am in a car having a conversation with the driver minutes before slamming into something

I really hope that doesn't mean anything in regards to traveling in two weeks...

Dream number four: (the abridged version because things repeat themselves a lot ) I am at a camp with a bunch of kids, but mine is the only one that has special needs. I am not sure what though because he seems pretty high functioning. I think at the end of the dream I decided that it was more of a mental disorder than special needs. Also, my student is the only one that is actually gigantic. So I am working on school work and traveling back and forth between some buildings in the woods when I find out that my student is having a hard time. So I go to help him and he needs to go into a hold and no one will help me. So hes totally kicking my ass and he gets away and runs into a garage that looks like a mini air plane hangar where of course that is where the owner stores its bow and arrows. Duh. So I then find myself trying to talk him out of shooting me much like talking a suicide risk off the side of a building. So of course he shoots me and it gets me in the ribs. For some reason I walk around for a long time like nothing is wrong. I end up going to a professors office, and it turns out to be a mix between Dumbledor and my art therapy professor in college, and he totally tells me everything is going to be fine and starts playing a stringed instrument and smoking a cigar

Seriously... wtf? I didn't eat anything crazy and only had water to drink... I am pretty sure its only because I tried to sleep in... Or I am insane...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Irrational fear # 57; Thomas the train

I am sure someone out there will some how figure out a way to turn this into something offensive, but I assure you that was not my intention.. so suck it up

During my short career in special education I met many wonderful, bright, amazing students. I definitely think I learned so much more from them then they probably did from me. Because of them I see things in a different light, and also find humor in many more situations, objects, etc. than before which I think is a plus. I recently bought a card that said "You make me smile all over my face" simply because I am fairly certain that one of my students probably would have said something like that at one point. I do know that I would not have found it as hilarious as I did had I not worked in the field in the past ( I am also willing to bet the recipient wont be as entertained) It brings me back to social skills groups, and talking about feelings/what being happy looks like.

I did however begin to notice a trend while I was working with these guys. One that would probably make a pretty decent masters thesis, if it has not already been done (and if I find new research on it five years from now I am going to know you totally stole my idea, and I will probably try to sue you, so dont even think about it). At least one kid in every program that I worked in, if not more than one, had a thing for Thomas the Train and friends. It ranged from walls plastered with pictures, detailed train sets, just having the little cars, to videos and tapes.

Because of this I also have a slight connection between Thomas and his friends and some of the behaviors that I had experienced in the past. Now every time I think of Thomas I think of my Autistic students (which I promise you is not a bad thing) But here's why I am afraid of Thomas. If I ever have kids someday, and they become very entrenched in the world of Thomas I will be counting the days until that phase is over, and probably scheduling development testing in the meantime. Something about being smacked in the face with a train makes me want to keep my future children as far away from that cartoon world as possible.

Also, as someone who works in the field, I probably worry way more then normal people that my someday children are going to have special needs. While I will be equipped with the skills of how to handle that, of course I would prefer to have happy healthy children. That being said, Thomas the train will never enter my house. Even if my kids are Autistic hopefully they will have other obsessions than Thomas.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The reason why I HATE peanut butter, and irrational fear number 25

I would like to preface this post by saying that irrational fear number 25 is NOT the fear of peanut butter...

I don't know if any of you have pets, but if you have ever had to give a pet medicine, it is damn near impossible. First you try to be the nice guy and give it up like its a delicious treat. Nope not working.

Then you put it in their mouth for them, and hope that maybe its the flavor of awesome and the dog will love it and eat it. Nope, spits it out in a dissolved gelatinous mess that renders the pill useless and now you are down one pill. Then you start thinking "Crap if I waste this next one this dog is definitely going to get sick and die... or maybe just a little uncomfortable".

So then you put the pill in its mouth and hold its jaw closed, all the while feeling like your dog is going to end up shaking and crying on one of those Sarah McLachlan "Angels" comercials, so you let go hoping that it was long enough and the dog finally swallowed the damn pill. Nope; gelatinous mess on the floor.

Then you start getting pissed "Just take the damn pill! Don't you want to feel better?!" and promptly feel bad for yelling at a poor sick and helpless animal. Finally the light bulb goes off and you get the bright idea to use peanut butter...

And this is where things really go south. You start out with the pill inside a blob of peanut butter on a spoon so that you don't have to get all gross and covered in peanut butter but he somehow managed to lick around the pill but at least he didn't ruin it this time.

So now you have to put the pill inside the peanut butter and put the peanut butter on your finger and your finger in the dogs mouth (Gross, the things we do for our animals). The dog finally eats the pill and the peanut butter, but then hes got this Tom Hanks "Big" thing going on, where he eats the caviar and immediately tries to scrape it off his tongue using his teeth. Kind of hilarious to watch a dog do, but then you get the smell of dog breath and wet peanut butter...

So now every time I open a jar of peanut butter I think of wet peanut butter dog breath and kind of gag a little which is a problem because now we get into irrational fear number 25... I am pretty much convinced that I actually am so skinny I look like Skeletor:

"Oh stop it! You are being so silly!"

 if Skeletor were female, but that no one will tell me. That combined with my recent diet overhaul into healthy food land, and my dramatic increase in physical activity probably makes me look like I have an eating disorder, which is irrational fear number 25; Everyone thinks I have an eating disorder and  they all want to feed me a giant hamburger. So now every night I gag a little as I make myself a peanut butter sandwich before bed in my pathetic attempts at gaining weight.

Also, if for some reason we find ourselves roommates in the future, I will never EVER wash a jar of peanut butter thus they will never be recycled, and you are just going to have to deal with it.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Its definitely impetigo and your going to die

As most of you probably know by now, I used to work in various programs teaching kids diagnosed with autism. It was a very personal, in your face kind of job. You generally end up learning way more about one another then you probably want to, students and coworkers alike. Things just dont really shock us any more, so between the interesting conversations with students, and sharing way too much info with coworkers, you get really close really fast. I should probably also add two very important facts; A) you work very closely with these students physically, especially if they are young or low functioning B) low functioning kids are not aware of germs, diseases, colds, etc. Its just not on their radar and its up to us to figure things out sometimes.

This being said I am convinced everyone has impetigo now. One of the programs that I used to work at had impetigo going around for a few months. Lucky for me it was primarily the students that I did not work with. Unlucky for them, parents sent kids to school unknowingly (or sometimes knowing full well their kid had a very contagious skin condition) and of course some coworkers also got the skin condition cause we just cant avoid it sometimes. Actually, I am surprised we don't get sick more often.

It was not revealed to me until, curiously everyone was getting this skin condition and where the heck did it come from, that my boss had in fact had it for three months but she was unaware of what it was for some time. The general location of said skin condition for her was around the outside of her nose...

Now whenever someone says their nose is sore (probably from something more logical like wiping with tissues or the damn dry cold winter air) my mind automatically goes into panic/hypochondriac mode and diagnoses them with impetigo, and I can't go near them for a week.
I also have come to find that I have dry skin on my face, and yet again my mind immediately turned this barely noticeable dry skin into impetigo...

And I am definitely going to die.

Monday, February 21, 2011

I have been diagnosed with a very serious condition

I recently have been bitten by a very dangerous bug that has never been seen by the naked eye. The symptoms of this attack have taken over my body and more importantly my mind and soul and there is only one cure.

I have been victim of the travel bug. Its only cure is a 12 day trip to Ireland. Sorry folks, but if left untreated it could be fatal.
Downside; no posts for 12 days (well this is probably actually good news cause that means no more harassing posts for 12 days)
Awesome-side; Totally socially awkward and going to Ireland by myself = great stories, and definitely at my expense

A few things are probably going to happen
A) I am going to spend the entire trip in the midst of an anxiety attack and will have to relive it via my own pictures cause I wont be able to remember anything
B) I will fall totally in love with the country never to return to the states ever again... If I ever come out of said anxiety attack enough to enjoy everything that is around me.
C) I am going to be lured by an attractive Irish man's accent... and never return to the states again....

Well we have three weeks to come up with other possible scenarios, because I leave the night of the 14th.
This is the tour I am going on here
Check it out, be jealous, its ok to hate me a little bit.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sunday Funday Glass Recap 2/20/11

Here is what I did this week...
Finished this guy, we just need to get a wood frame for it...

Mom did about a billion sun catchers with seashells in them, but I haven't posted them yet, because I'm lazy.
Today I started Nobska Lighthouse sun catchers but I have color dyslexia and put all the pieces for the black glass onto the red glass and vice versa so long story short... haven't actually started yet cause I am too lazy to fix my mistake right now....

Go here and buy stuff!

For steps on how to make me famous go here

Happy Sunday Funday!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Tissues of death

I warn you in advance this post is a little gross... welcome to the crazy show kids...

Sister is sick, and when she came back from her four day weekend she kind of looked like death (sorry but its true). She had to stop on her way home to get tissues that's how dying she is.

Well... she bought probably the worst tissues ever....
and yes tissues can have ratings from awesome to id rather die in my own phlegm and mucous.

Someone had the awesome idea to put Vick's into these tissues. This was in fact not an awesome idea. If I were brainstorming a way to make tissues better, putting Vick's in them would be in the "No f-ing way"column.

This is so for two reasons:
A) as will be detailed in a later post I have a problem with liquid medicine, and it kind of makes me vomit a little just thinking about it..
B) Now not only do I smell like Vick's, but I smell like Vick's in and around my nose, where I smell things, so its not like I can just keep that part of me away from my face...

And this is why I kind of want to vomit a little all afternoon...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Probably my most favorite customer ever

Today my favorite customer came in. I did not expect this woman to be quite as epicly awesome as she was. In fact I was expecting trouble, but I should not judge a book by its cover
 Suprise; shes a normal person, with normal taste in yarn and patterns, and very easily accomodated. Whats even better is she is a cute little woman from England... I want to go to lunch with her.

That is all

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

"speed goes... down....?"

I am still at the run until I die, walk until I am less dying, stage of getting my body used to running. I am thoroughly convinced that some people just are not made to be runners and I am one of them, but that lovely high you get after keeps me coming back for more.  Since most days it takes a lot of convincing myself into returning for another day of humiliation I am usually stuck with one of the older treadmills which, (and this is kind of important) means it takes a certain amount of force to change whatever it is you have entered into the little screen.
After my warm up I am usually feeling so good and confident that I get a little crazy with the increase speed button to switch over to running...
Anywhere between 5 and 10 minutes depending on the day, is about when I feel like I am going to collapse and get sucked into the belt like a looney toons cartoon... so of course I want to change the speed and I want to change it now, and this is where the treadmill usually decides that it hates me because the interaction of asking it to slow down goes a little something like this
"speed go down, now thanks"
"ummm speed go down?"
"SPEED DOWN NOW" *Frantic pushing of buttons*
The poor people on the treadmill next to me have been traumatized by witnessing my death by treadmill and are thankful that it will never happen again.... until I scrape myself off the belt and return tomorrow....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

No new post today

I dont really have anything as epic as my uterus valentine quite yet...

So I drew you this.... to further prove Vegas is a serial killing nightmare...

So I guess this is a new post... take that suckas

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentines day from my misshapen uterus

Most people have a uterus that is shaped like this... unless your a dude.. you don't have one, sorry guys
But mine is shaped like this...

At first I was really sad about this, I mean look at it. I am pretty sure if uteri had IQ's mine would be at about a 30.... But it totally explains all the shenanigans its been up to since I was about 12. It kind of looks like it was stuck by lightening, or it has a Siamese twin... and this is definitely this is proof that I have ADD cause my body couldn't even finish developing its own uterus properly
But now I think of it like this....

Its kind of like my own personal little kid created valentine. F*ck you Hallmark! I got my own Valentines day card!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Sunday Funday! Glass recap 2/13/11

..And shameless self promotion day!

Here is what I did this week (Cause I know you are on pins and needles to find out)...
I finished this on Monday-ish

You can buy this one here....

I am almost done with this one...
I just have to finish foiling and solder it. The middle is a piece of mirror. I think we are going to frame it with wood instead of channeling

To order your own go here...

or here...

Here is a lesson on how we can make me famous:
A) Read my blog and tell me how funny it is even if its not
B) Suggest my blog to everyone
C) Go here... And look at how pretty my glass is and either
                    a) buy some!
                    b) realize you are too poor cause your rich boss kept the money he would have given you as a raise all for himself, and thus suggest said website to said rich boss, and preferably rich coworkers and friends
D) Tell them that they need to buy stuff
Have a nice Sunday!

The perfect storm; Irrational fear #7 - Valentines day

A not so funny post
As you all know Valentines day is coming up... and I do have a fun post for Monday, but for now you all have to suffer through my rant about why I hate Valentines day and this year it is the perfect storm.
If any of you are thoroughly freaked out by pms stop reading now
Yesterday I had hit the Komodo Dragon stage, and today it is more like this..

I am definitely one of those people that tries to keep it inside, cause I know how much it sucks when people do nothing but bitch about how upset they are and even worse when they dont do anything to change it ( I assure you I do not intend my blog to become a bitch fest, this is a once a year thing). So it stays inside and I do everything I can to try to make myself happy and keep to myself until the week of torture is over...
However this month things fall on Valentines day, so by Monday my brain will be like this....

Every girl probably has the dating Valentines day nightmares and so do I, so I will spare you those details. I am definitely very anti-valentines day so much so that gives me mild anxiety for a week ( I know Im crazy its ok) I am not entirely sure if the calendar of these events lines up properly but this is what I blame my hatred for Valentines day on
A) the year everyone stops being forced to give everyone else valentines and you only get one or two... I was a very emotional child and this sucked
B) This is where things get fuzzy... When I was little I had to have a few home IVs and I distinctly remember receiving heart stickers one day that a nurse came to visit. I actually didnt even realize it was a home IV until a few years ago, but just that I was sick and a nurse had to come to the house. It may not even have been any where near Valentines day but I definitely remember those sticker hearts... So my brain will forever connect it to Valentines day, even if I find documented proof that it was the summer the nurse ruined the 4th of July or something....
C) I had a court date in a snow storm, and driving in the snow is going to be another post for another day, but going to court sucks
Anywho, those are some reasons why I hate Valentines day... But stay tuned because I made you a Valentines day card from someone very special!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

You have been warned

I woke up this morning to discover that over night I had turned into this...

Yesterday I was about as peppy and energetic as that annoying head cheerleader you knew in high school
Anywho you all have been warned

Friday, February 11, 2011

Etsy conversation #1

I got a response on one of my pieces on Etsy, but I don't think I am going to respond based on their grammar skills...
"How much does these item goes for?"
 A) The price is listed on the post B) Are you a person?
Maybe I am being judgmental, but I am going to bet that you are in fact a robot set out to give me false hope and destroy my hopes and dreams. Thanks for making me really excited when I got up this morning.. On the plus side I've been on there long enough to get spam now, so I guess that's cool... ?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

If my cat were a person, he would most definitely be a serial killer

The Evidence:
1) He drowns turtles in the toilet

2) He drowns mice repeatedly in his water bowl;

At least they died together...

3) He is slowly trying to make everyone go insane by A) knocking over and destroying any living thing in the house, B) refuses to let me sleep a full night = sleep deprived people go crazy easier

4) He is trying to dig himself a place to hide the bodies in his litter box; No cat needs to dig for ten minutes in a litter box at 4:00 A.M. unless he is trying to hide something

5) He is suicidal

UPDATE: added evidence in the case Vegas VS the state of Massachusetts; He does not take no for an answer, and will hunt cleo mercilessly even though she has repeatedly displayed her dislike for him (I am no cat but I am pretty sure that hissing, growling, scratching, and running away means "no")

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

"The voodoo man at the gas station"

This conversation occurred while we were waiting in line at the Starbucks drive through...

Well I was at the gas station, and I am used to my old car, so I went in and gave them $50. So I went back to the pump and I was filling the car, but it only came to about 25 dollars. I went back in to talk to the guy, and he was one of those like "I dont really want to deal with your stuff what do you want" kind of people. So anyways I asked if it clicks its self off if I am supposed to stop... and he said "Umm yea"... so then I explained how I have a new car and I am just not used to the size of the gas tank... And thats when I noticed this old man sitting there... and he totally sounded like he came from Louisiana or the bayou or something... and he said "Well... did you call the card company and explain it to them?"... "Umm what?"... "Your card... didn't you just say that you got a new card?".... "Ummm... no its a new car... a new CAR"..... so then I went to get out of there and the man says "Well what are you gettin' a new car for?!".... and I totally ignored him and left the gas station, but as I was leaving I could see him watching me from the gas station.... and thats when I thought.... "Oh my gosh, what if he put a hex on me?! I should have gone back in there and explained to him that it isnt a NEW car but a new car for me"...
Ummm... ok well your probably fine, hes just a crazy old man that hangs out at a gas station...
(6 hours later...)
I have a really sharp stabbing pain in my leg... its really wierd 
Ummm Like a Charlie horse? 
No... Like a sharp stabbing pain
Oh, like a cramp when you dont drink enough water....?
No... A sharp stabbing pain.... like a stabbing....
MAYBE it was the VOODOO man at the gas station!?!?!...

How this all started...

So there I was, 24 years old and working a salary paying job with benefits, going to grad school, and living in my nice two bedroom apartment in an old house above a relatively quiet old couple.... when I had a fantastic idea... Even though it took me about a year to recover from loosing my old job, I decided that it would be brilliant to quit my new job, drop out of school (of which it was somewhat difficult to get into, and paid in full out of pocket), find someone last minute to fill the apartment, and move home with my parents all in an attempt to open my own store. This store would sell some of my own artwork as well as local, made on cape glass art. Somehow I got it in my head that this process would be done in a matter of weeks and I would be a mega successful ass-kicking glass artist over night. Silly me. Anywho, now I am living at home, and working part time in my sisters yarn store. I like my job a lot, and I get to fill up my free time with all the things I've been saying I want to do for some time now, but it is definitely not where I used to be. I don't really tell people about my job with as much pride as I used to but its ok cause its the road to my dreams right? Right... well thats what I tell myself anyways... Someday! In the meantime interesting things happen being 24 years old and living with my parents. For starters dating is definitely not as easy as it had been those three glorious years I had taken for granted living on my own. Well after this rant you are probably thinking "Oh great... another blog about someone bitching about how awful their life is". Definitely not; although things have changed a lot I am taking it all in stride, doing things to make me happy (not someone else), and enjoying some of the hilarious conversations that occur between me and my mother.... Sort of a "Sh!t my mom says" kind of feeling...