Thursday, March 3, 2011

"Um... one thing about your harness..."

Lately, as in the past 10 months or so, I have been doing things to try to push myself out of my comfort zone. In the past I would pass up going out or trying new things way too often. The very idea of possibly having to enter a bar by myself before the other person got there was enough to keep me in the house on a Friday night. Learning something new, when I wasn't in school hiding in the last row of seats keeping my mouth shut, was also something I wasn't too fond of.

I am sure something happened when I was little that I never could really shake, but the idea of a stranger teaching me how to do something in front of yet  more strangers was just out of the question. Kind of goes along with the whole "I would rather die than give a speech in front of even just one stranger" fear that a lot of us have. If I meet someone new, like say on a date, or at an interview, I cant sit still. I am pretty sure I touch my face about a billion times, not counting the fact that I generally sit with my hand on my chin covering 90% of my mouth (not on interviews though, for those I fold my hands in my lap and twitch my leg uncontrollably, but at least that's under the table and kind of hidden). I then spend a considerable ammout of time analysing the interaction wondering if there was anything too awkward or weird that I had said. I am pretty sure this is the diagnosis criteria for social anxiety.

Anywho back to the point of the story... pushing out of my comfort zones and all that happy stuff...

Over the summer I started climbing with my friend which in its self was a huge thing for me, although I don't think I ever admitted that. I never learned how to belay though, because I needed some time to get over just going climbing in the first place. Forget the whole being afraid of heights business, or the fact that if something goes wrong, at best you are going to break a lot of things. This is a person I've known for 2+ years, and I still did not want to learn how to do something completely new and foreign in front of her.She wouldn't care if I did something stupid, and vice versa but that damn social anxiety monster got the best of me, and I just wasn't ready.

Finally last night I decided to just get it over with, this being at least 6 months after I first started bouldering. So not only was I learning something new, but I decided to go with someone I just met a week prior.... nothing could go wrong, and I will be fine...

Well, I am safe and sound but I can honestly say I wont be learning anything new any time soon...

First it took me about ten minutes to figure out my harness. I bought it months ago before I moved far away from climbing gyms, and have never used it. It's one of those two part complicated ones. So I finally get it on and I get tied in and climb; success! but my harness feels really weird.... its definitely going in places it shouldn't...

And as the not entirely friendly employee at the gym, who I've never even seen before tells me, after she comes running after me down the stairs... my harness was on upside down, and the most important part of it, the part that stays closed and keeps me from dying, was done wrong....



I felt like an ass.... Its clearly still bothering me.

2 comments:

  1. but you get so much credit for doing it! Also, when I was getting belay certified, the girl was SO nasty. like she wanted me to fail. I guess they have reasons for making sure you're absolutely sure you know what you're doing, but there are ways to NOT be rude about it. Maybe people who work at gyms should join our social skill groups?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. YES! we could totally trade skills instead of having to pay for becoming certified!! hooray barter system

    ReplyDelete